IN THIS SECTION

       Prepare/Enrich: Couples

      SoulWork: Individual 

       Training & Testimonials

There are two very different kinds of counseling that I offer. Please read through both descriptions to see which one feels right for you.

PREPARE / ENRICH

I have been working with a counseling system called Prepare/Enrich for over eight years now which is beautiful in its simplicity and directness. It was designed by leading psychologists and pastoral counselors to address the most critical areas of relationship stress that couples face, especially in their first five married years. By answering a series of questions, the program is able to analyze your responses to determine things like your assumptions about intimacy and autonomy, expectations about handling money and children, communication-style, trust levels, dominance and submission, feelings about in-laws, importance of friends and family, etc. It even has a sophisticated radar for detecting overly idealized notions of romance, i.e. “love is all you need.”

One of the most helpful sections of the program deals with family-of-origin patterns and alerts you to various issues that may arise simply because you have formed different structures for what feels “normal” in family life. Knowing that “this little thing” your new spouse does that drives you crazy is not deliberate, but merely a reflection of childhood training, can be very reassuring.

The Prepare/Enrich program is based on the assumption that knowledge gives you power to deal with relationship problems. If you know why certain buttons get pushed by certain behaviors you have a better chance of changing your own responses so that the stress levels are reduced. It is also very often the case that simply by understanding your spouse better, you find it easier to forgive and accommodate.

I recommend this style of counseling for all younger couples (under 40) who feel that they are basically suited to each other but have some things that feel important to address, even if they are not yet “problems.” This is especially true for couples who come from very different backgrounds – ethnic, religious, geographic, etc. I also recommend this counseling for any couple of any age in the first five years of a new marriage. There is so much to learn about another human being and this system can help you make giant leaps in your mutual understanding.

The structure of this counseling is also straightforward and simple: you schedule a 2-hour meeting with me. The week prior to our meeting I register you both to take the online Prepare/Enrich questionnaire. The results are sent to me so I can spend time reviewing the areas that are most likely to yield positive outcomes in our session. During our meeting I share the results with you and guide you through various exercises to help deepen your awareness of the strengths and weaknesses of your current patterns of behavior. If they are further areas that you might work on, I share my insights with you and you can determine if and when you want to pursue more counseling.

Every couple I’ve worked with has reported at least one significant new insight that came from the first two hours of counseling!

The cost is $285 – two hours of counseling at $125/hr. and $35 for the online questionnaire. For couples selecting the Deluxe Package for their wedding, this 2-hour counseling session is free.

   ***   ***   ***

SOUL WORK

The second kind of counseling I do is based on a completely different set of assumptions than the first type. In the first type there is an honoring of the personality, the ego, the will and its desires: it is assumed that having strong personal preferences about the way that your life looks and feels is rightful and natural and that every effort of will can and should be applied to bring your life into closer alignment with the life you imagine you want. This is a standard, Western worldview and there is nothing wrong with approaching life that way…. at least for awhile.

By the time you reach 40 or 45 you begin to notice that Life has a will of its own and that all the best laid plans often go awry. You also notice – if you’ve honestly been paying attention – that some of your most important life lessons come during crisis and unexpected woes. And lessons not learned tend to manifest in repeating the same mistakes over and over again. This may include choosing the wrong kind of person to marry – multiple times! A shorthand way of defining this second style of counseling is to call it the Eastern Way, in that it begins with the core assumptions established by Buddhism and Taoism: all life involves suffering, and, nothing persists except change. In this second way, a fundamental shift is made which dethrones the ego and its desires and instead, focuses attention on the Soul.

Soul Work is always done as individual counseling, since one of the assumptions we start with is that your well-being is not dependent upon anything or anyone else. You are not responsible, nor do you have any real hope of controlling, anyone else’s life or anything that Life may throw at you. The vast majority of factors affecting your life are beyond your control. What you do have responsibility for and control over is your response to life – and this is the arena of soul-making. Rather than seeing this as a defeatist attitude, it is perhaps the most glorious path towards true freedom and harmony. Yes, it runs counter to the grain of most American ideas about happiness, but then, poll after poll shows that Americans are not the happiest people on the planet, in spite of our wealth and power and strong egos.

The second way of working with your life begins with acknowledging that the Soul has desires that are deeper and higher than what the ego has been struggling for and that by being attentive to the signs that the soul gives the conscious mind, we can discern what the deeper rhythms of your life could and should be. In my ministry I bring many gifts to the table to enhance our work, beginning with Listening – the spiritually attuned ear which hears the murmurings of the soul trying to express itself through symptoms, synchronicities, dreams, depression, hungers and wild imaginings. The most important skill I impart to you is the ability to read the symbol system of your own psyche and find its correlations to the vast treasure trove of myth, religion and art which is our cultural inheritance.

If you are over 40 and feel any interest in this second approach, I would encourage you to begin asking the kind of deep questions that lay bare your own ego-machinations, beginning with: What am I getting out of this life situation? Wait for the second, third and fourth responses to this question from all aspects of yourself. You may be very surprised to hear all the reasons that your ego is clinging to anger, disappointment, sadness, fear, etc. The hardest thing of all is to initiate change, and most of us would rather sit in our own misery than upset the tenuous balance of a current lifestyle.

Now you must ask: Am I capable of responding to my current life in a way that increases compassion in me? If the answer is affirmative, then you know that your Soul has had a hand in attracting the current situation, no matter what it looks like from the outside. You can begin to work on deepening your soul strengths and virtues to become a better person who gives light and love into the world – regardless of your circumstances. If, however, the answer to the question is negative, then you owe it to yourself, your partner, and the world, to remove yourself from the situation and seek a new alignment – with all its own pleasures and pains – in which you can honestly grow in wisdom and compassion. As the sages say, the only things we take with us out of this life are the love and wisdom we have attained.

If you are seeking counseling specifically to deal with a relationship issue, and are over 40, I recommend approaching it from this soulful standpoint – unless it has to do with actual abuse or addictions, in which case it is imperative to seek professional assistance at once. If you and your spouse are both open to the idea, we can work on the marriage from the basis of soul-making, where the focus is on the relationship itself, whose history and spiritual hungers are taken seriously and compassionately. I will still meet with you individually, but the focus will be the reparation of the marriage.

   ***   ***   ***

An individual session is an hour-and-a-half in length and costs $120 ($80/hr) and may include any of the following: prayer, meditation, journaling, dreamwork, active imagination, artwork, poetry, role-playing, creative writing, ritual and many other forms of spiritual play/work. The creation of a spiritual biography is usually undertaken at the beginning of our work together. In most cases, we meet every other week or even once a month, with ongoing journaling or dreamwork sustaining the flow of energy between sessions.

COUNSELING BIO

Rev. Dr. Rebecca Armstrong is a minister, musician and mythologist. Much of her interest in spiritual psychology comes from the mythologist, Joseph Campbell, who was a close family friend and a pioneer in the use of myth as a tool for contemporary life.  After earning her degrees in religion and ministry in the early 90’s from the University of Chicago Divinity School and Meadville-Lombard Unitarian-Universalist seminary, Rebecca worked at several area churches where she created programs in spiritual development for adults and children. She continued her ministry working two full years as a chaplain at a residential treatment center for women in addiction recovery. In 1999 she co-founded an ecumenical urban-based ministry and led a pilgrimage to India where she met the Dalai Lama. In 2002 she trained as a facilitator in the Prepare/Enrich program for couples counseling. In 2004 she became a certified divorce mediator and has worked with dozens of couples to find a more peaceable way to part. That same year she received her doctorate from Chicago Theological Seminary and opened her downtown Chicago office where she continues to serve as an interfaith minister doing weddings, workshops, guest lectures and spiritual counseling. She has been a member of Spiritual Directors International for over 12 years and regularly participates in professional development as a counselor and mediator. She currently teaches course in religion, mythology and ethics at DePaul University in Illinois and Purdue University in Indiana.

TESTIMONIALS

My thanks comes to you in many layers, many hues. Thanks for your physical presence; spiritual thanks that our paths could cross at this time in my life; soulful thanks that I am comfortable and warm in my own heart – something I’ve not experienced before. - E.C.

I am beginning to realize my spirituality IS inside me and is much more foundational that I thought. I love the ideas we came up with in our talks that were what ultimately led me to this peace with myself. Thank you for helping me see what was there all along. - A.J.

You are empathetic, enthusiastic and energizing. I feel very blessed to have found you. It’s obvious how much you love what you do and what a gift you have. You are forever in my heart. - S.S.

You were such a calm, strong presence during the storm of my life. Our conversations helped anchor me in a dark time and I am better for them. Thank you. - D. M.  

Our time together has opened up reflections and thoughts that will reveal themselves for many years to come. I am so grateful for the crossing of our paths at this time in my life. My soul is now beginning to travel with me. Thank you for rejoining us! - M.C.

I just need to tell you what a warm, positive influence you are. It gives me hope for this world. Thank you for the great work we did together. - D.L.

This was an amazing gift in my life. I don’t think I’ve ever known that combination of energy, spiritual connection and transformation. You were a powerful catalyst. I feel more power, love and creative energy – and the connection to the ancestors and my daughters. I feel graced! - L.M.

I feel richer and more joyful in having met you. The poetry was a healing salve. It is wonderful to work with someone who is traveling with such passionate exploration on this journey of life. R.D.