It’s washing over the American consciousness like the light of a rosy-fingered dawn – only by treating Mother Nature kindly will we see many more tomorrows! Being true to your political and spiritual allegiance should not be neglected when designing your own wedding. In fact, it’s the perfect place to make your statement. Here at the start of your new life together you can lay the foundations for making “green” the keynote of your new lifestyle.
There are many books and articles around that speak about ways to keep your wedding green (see links) so I would just like to highlight half a dozen important aspects of your overall wedding design and how you can bring an ecological sensitivity to your choices.
HISTORY
The word “ECO” comes from the Greek and means “HOME” so thinking ecologically really means thinking about nature with the recognition that earth is our one and only home. Treading lightly and leaving a small footprint is earth-friendly. However, the history of the wedding ceremony, as far back as we can discover, always involved conspicuous consumption and feasting (on the part of the guests) and lavish generosity and heavy spending (on the part of the hosts.) So, how do we reconcile these two aesthetics?
Looking more closely at the historical customs, it becomes clear that part of the function of the feast was to assure fellow community members that this new couple was capable of taking on the material and social responsibilities that come with marriage. It was a chance to show off the bride’s dowry, the groom’s gift and the hunting and homemaking skills of both parties. Taking the deeper meaning of this tradition we can easily see that, given the changing times, what reassures our community about readiness to participate in the body politic is not riotous waste but careful husbandry of resources! Therefore, you do not need to apologize for a less glamorous wedding, but demonstrate your understanding of the demands of life in the 21st century by “going green!”
GREEN IDEAS
#1 – Small is Beautiful
The most obvious thing a couple can do to minimize the carbon footprint of their wedding and save money is to reduce the guest list. But how many guests is the right number? This begs the next question: Who gets to be on the guest list and why?
Gone are the days when it was mandatory to invite everyone in the village, or everyone in your parish, or everyone at the factory, or every neighbor on the block. Our definitions of who our “friends” are has changed with the peripatetic lifestyle we now have. One well known social researcher has determined that the social circles of most Americans and Europeans evolve outward in a very precise manner: “They usually consist of an inner circle of five ‘core’ people and an additional layer of 10,” says Robin Dunbar. “That makes 15 people - some will probably be family members - who are your central group and then outside that, there's another 35 in the next circle and another 100 on the outside. And that's one person's social world.” If this seems to describe your rolodex then the decision is whether you want only your ‘core’ group, your ‘core’ plus second layer of intimates, out to the 35 (x2) circle, or the complete 100+ from both sides.
Looking at the many weddings I’ve officiated, there does seem to be a ready correlation in the sizes. The “just family” weddings usually consist of 15-25 people and have a very deep feeling of weaving the strands of intimacy tightly through the generations. The “close friends” weddings of 50-75 guests are relaxed and fun and everybody really has a chance to interact with the bride and groom. The “family and good friends” weddings are the most common and average about 125-150 guests. This feels the most comfortable to a lot of couples because you don’t have to leave anybody out that you see on at least an annual basis. This really is your community. The big weddings of 250+ are generally among those who have really large families with multiple generations to be accommodated, as well as large circles of business associates with whom it is good policy to include in social activities. These weddings tend to be hard on the bride and groom because it’s impossible to really touch base with everybody and the number of details quickly becomes overwhelming. Be sure to get a good wedding planner if you opt for the big wedding. But, if family honor or social standing depends on inviting the large circle, go for it! You can still make “green” choices in the remaining areas.
So which size wedding is for you? It depends on your pocketbook and priorities and personal yearnings. Just keep in mind the mantra: Small is Beautiful.
#2 - Return to Roots
This title is intended as a double-entendre: it can mean returning to family roots by having your wedding in the town where most of the relatives and friends already live; or it can mean holding your wedding among the roots and blossoms of a natural setting. By having a hometown ceremony you minimize the amount of travel that the majority of your guests need to take on to get to the wedding. It may also be possible to forego rental costs by having the wedding and reception in the home of a friend or family member. Many of the weddings I do are handled in this way and it’s always a joy to see how this kind of intimate setting blesses those who experience it.
If you’re thinking of doing the wedding out in nature, visit the page on this website where I have a long list of wonderful locations that are “back-to-nature” in the Chicagoland area. Since most of the couples I work with describe themselves as “spiritual but not religious” it makes sense that a lot of them find the sacred in nature. Even if you’ve never explored the deeper meanings of your yearning to connect with nature – bicycling by the lake, walks in the park, gardening in the backyard, hiking in the hills – the harmonizing effects of Nature on the human psyche are profound. Being in Nature is also one of the places we can be where we acknowledge, even subconsciously, that we are in the presence of something greater than ourselves. This may be why so many couples want to marry out-of-doors. The sky is the new dome of our modern “temple” and the earth under our feet is the new sacred ground!
#3 – Earthly Garments, Heavenly Effect
Nothing makes a louder statement than the mute presence of the bride’s gown on her wedding day. Since the wedding dress represents a sizeable investment in the economy (and percentage of your wedding budget) making sure it represents your ethics of sustainability is a must.
The first interesting thing to keep in mind is that the bright white color of most modern wedding gowns is a relatively recent invention of the fashion industry and can only be obtained using strong bleaches – not very eco-friendly. Happily, green, red, gold and blue are more common colors, historically speaking, for wedding garments around the world. So let snow, clouds, limestone and lilies be white – go with a favorite color from natural dyes. Here are some of my favorite ideas:
·Make your own dress from old fabrics that are meaningful to you
·Wear a dress that’s been handed down in your family
·Buy vintage
·Buy and/or donate your gown to a charity that recycles it
·Buy one in a fabrics that honors the planet
Peace silk (silk gathered without harming the silk worms)
Bamboo (most sustainable fiber on the planet!)
Hemp (strong, soft, eco-friendly)
Avoid cotton that has been grown using pesticide, which comprises about 80% of all cotton.
Avoid manmade fabrics that never decompose
See my list of websites where you can get gorgeous gowns that are “green”
#4 – “Dirty diamonds” and “Green gold”
Even if you didn’t see the recent film, Blood Diamonds, you’ve probably heard of the dark history of the South African diamond trade. I’ve been to South Africa (for the Parliament of World’s Religions in 1999) and have done research on the diamond business and, believe me, it’s every bit as bad as rumor has it. Please, do NOT feel obliged to buy diamonds. They are not a (good) girl’s best friend.
Working in the wedding industry I feel a special call to steer couples towards wedding and engagement rings that do not rely on violence, pillage and unethical practices to bring the sparkly baubles to your finger. Fortunately, there are many options to “go green” when it comes to the symbol of the ring.
Here are some favorite new ways to put the stone on your heart-line finger:
·“Green” gold – Every wonder where old electronics with gold and silver parts end up? Some of them get to have a second life as beautiful rings! Companies like Green Karat have made the best of the past.
·Junk becomes jewelry – “junk to jewelry” takes discarded objects and re-imagines them to make something lovely.
·Go personal – There are thousands of amazing artisans who are making jewelry and selling online through sites like Etsy. You can support a struggling artist and get a ring that’s made to order.
·Think outside the box – Some of the most interesting wedding rings I’ve seen were made of unusual materials. One couple I married had chosen petrified wood for their rings. Another had used recycled glass. I’ve seen them in tungsten and steel and titanium. The most intriguing wedding rings I saw were made of….. color! The bride and groom had the rings tattooed on their fingers!
#5 – Markings & Meanings
Yes, the least carbon footprint method of invitations would be to email your wedding invites. But I am reluctant to encourage this practice and I’ll tell you why: there is a long and deep connection between “making your mark” and the sense of permanence and personal accountability. Whether it was gouging a mark in clay or stone, or laying ink with a brush or pen, “making your mark” has heralded that something important and solemn was taking place. After all, the marriage license cannot be obtained without the all important signature of bride and groom, and later, of minister and witnesses. The invitation is the first thing that announces your intention to the world, and it feels diminished if it arrives in the spam folder along with Viagra ads and pleas that begin “Dear Sir, I am a high-placed diplomat in a foreign country seeking your assistance to retrieve my fortune…..”
As was true with the wedding dress, the bright, white paper and multiple envelope options of the Victorian era should be laid to rest. There are many avenues of creating stunning and personal invitations that still honor the earth and save the trees. Here are some good ones:
Don’t use wood pulp paper at all! Use one of these substances for your invitations:
·Hemp;
·Bamboo;
·Rice;
·Banana leaf;
·Recycled “seed” paper which your guests can plant and grow after they’ve read it;
·Coconut husk;
·and my favorite, Elephant poo! (yep – these vegetarian giants leave behind enough fiber to make reams of smooth, clean paper!)
See LINKS for resources on all these.
#6 – To Serve the World with You by my Side
Making your eco-sensibility a centerpiece of your wedding ceremony is not hard and makes a powerful statement. It can even be included in your vows or readings. It shows that you recognize that human love exists within the context of a sustainable world around us and that our respect for another person calls us to expand our vision beyond self-interest and towards a better planet for everyone. Here are a few ideas for adding “green” words to your ceremony:
We honor mother earth -
And ask for our marriage to be abundant and grow stronger through the seasons.
We honor fire -
And ask that our union be warm and glowing with love in our hearts
We honor wind -
And ask that we sail through life safe and calm in our father's arms
We honor water -
To clean and soothe our relationship that it may never thirst for love. - Cherokee Prayer
Lord, behold our family here assembled.
We thank you for this place in which we dwell,
for the love that unites us,
for the peace accorded us this day,
for the hope with which we expect the morrow,
for the health, the work, the food,
and the bright skies that make our lives delightful;
for our friends in all parts of the earth. - Wedding Prayer by Robert Louis Stevenson
When two individuals meet, so do two private worlds. None of our private worlds is big enough for us to live a wholesome life in. We need the wider world of joy and wonder, of purpose and venture, of toil and tears. What are we, any of us, but strangers and sojourners, wandering through the nighttime until we draw together and find the meaning of our lives in one another, dissolving our fears in each other’s courage, making music together and lighting torches to guide us through the dark.- by Anthony Powell Davies
Green Vows & Blessing
I, ______, take you, ______,
to be my wedded husband/wife;
to laugh with you in joy,
to grieve with you in sorrow;
to grow with you in love;
serving one another and our world in hope and in strength,
so long as we both shall live.
May the meaning of these moments be fulfilled in the years to come
in the lives of ___ and ____
May their unity of spirit grow deeper and stronger
in the chances and changes of the life they will share.
May they be strength to each other and comfort and the cause of great happiness.
Loving each other, may they reach out to love others in their circle
and to serve humankind, and the earth upon which we dwell.
I am in the process of gathering additional readings appropriate for weddings which “marry” ideas of sustainability and romantic love. Be sure to check back in the near future for a new section in Prose Readings!
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I hope this has helped you to imagine a greener wedding as well as a greener world! All the best to you as you create the wedding of your dreams that includes dreams of a healthy and happy earth! ~Rev. Rebecca
